I could feel it happening. My face felt hot, my heart was racing, and my mind was almost spinning. I was verbally ambushed and being pulled into a confrontational conversation.
It was an uncomfortable feeling. I wanted to protect myself, to run away if possible. When I realized I couldn’t run I then wanted to fight back. I was having trouble getting my thoughts together. Words I would regret later began to come out of my mouth.
I was experiencing an Amygdala Hijack. That part of our brain that decides how we react to threat (flight, fight, freeze and appease) was running the show.
I wish I knew then what I know now. My study of Conversational Intelligence has helped me learn how to elevate the quality of my conversations to achieve mutual success with others.
Nine out of ten conversations miss the mark. – Judith Glaser
Just think, we speak an average of 16,000 words a day. At any given moment trillions of conversations are taking place around the world. Yet, most of those conversations are not achieving the intended outcome.
- We don’t really listen to connect with others
- We avoid difficult conversations
- We intend one thing, but our impact is something else
- We erode trust
- We create distrust
- We shut down or cause others to shut down
Modern Neuroscience reveals that our conversations are more than mere words. There are actual neurochemical changes taking place in our brain. Through fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) we are learning that distrust and trust actually reside in different areas of the brain.
When we feel threatened, or feel like the other person has an agenda, we close down and go into protect mode. On the other hand, when we feel like we can trust the other person, like they have our best interest at heart, we open up and are willing to share.
What if you could learn ways to elevate the level of conversations with others to better connect and engage. What if you could more easily build trust and partner with others. What if you could learn tools, practices, and rituals that led to transformational conversations.
You can…with Conversational Intelligence. I can help you.
Change your conversations; change your life.