Talking about emotions can be difficult for some. The stereotypical perspective is that women more easily talk about emotions than men. The important truth is that so much of our daily life is affected by what we feel.
It’s hard to be at your best when negative emotions are running the show. Like anger, disgust, or sadness. They suck the life out of us.
On the other hand, positive feelings like joy, trust, and optimism provide fuel for daily living.
What we are learning through Conversational Intelligence® is that different emotions actually reside in different areas of the brain. When our fear network activates the Amygdala, our survival brain, we go into protect mode: fight, flight, freeze or appease.
When trust is high our Prefrontal Cortex, the Executive Brain, is activated. We open up to others, connect, and make better decisions because discernment is high.
Learning to talk about our feelings is important for self-awareness. It’s also important for connecting with others, building trust, partnering, and sharing a vision of mutual of success.
In 1980 Robert Plutchik constructed a wheel-like diagram of emotions visualising eight basic emotions, plus eight derivative emotions each composed of two basic ones.
Plutchik identified: Joy, Trust, Fear, Surprise. Their opposites: Sadness, Disgust, Anger, Anticipation.
Sample coaching questions to explore our feelings:
- When do you feel most Joyful?
- When do you feel sad?
- What causes you to feel trust toward others?
- What did someone ever do that disgusted you?
- Where does anger show up in your interactions with others?
- Is anticipation comfortable or uncomfortable for you?
Sample coaching Questions:
- What would it take to bring your optimism into your life (career, work)?
- When do you experience awe?
- Where does aggressiveness show up?
- How could you express less disapproval?
What’s the benefits of talking about feelings? Well, for one thing we are emotional beings. The more aware we are of our emotions and how to regulate them, the more we’ll enjoy life. It’s called emotional intelligence.
My work in Conversational Intelligence® goes even further than emotional intelligence. EQ is learning and growing the Self. It is about understanding our innermost thoughts and feelings and increasing empathy and understanding of others.
C-IQ is about learning and growing with Others. It is about SHARING our innermost thoughts and feelings. EQ is about self-regulation. C-IQ is about Co-regulation. Conversational Intelligence® gives us the power to EXPRESS our inner thoughts and feelings so we can strengthen our relationships and create success.